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[treadway]

ok, so i got to write this novella (story) for english. I've fix PART of it. Can you plz read it and give me tips on how i can fix the story? like how to make it better, or just what you think. THANK YOU!

Prologue



“Sandra! Sandra, oh, don’t do this to us, please!” “Will the girl be alright?” “Poor child” “We might as well all be doomed!” “Oh, do keep quiet!”

I can hear several voices as I am coming back from unconsciousness. And, oh, what is that foul thing at my nose? It smells familiar, but the urge of having to gag pushes to the back of my mind the name of the source to that disgusting odor.

My head aches as if flames from hell have unexpectedly decided to occupy my head. This only tempts me to want to fall back to deep sleep, in hope that the nausea will disappear and the flames will burn out.

My half numb finger find the hard, ice cold, marble floor. The sudden coldness makes me shiver. My eye lids are colored by a faint orange. This reminds me of my childhood, when I would nap under a small tree in our garden, having the sun‘s rays enlighten my infant face, and shade my eyelids with the color between orange and red. But that was a more than a decade ago.

I shall not move until I am certain that I have gathered enough strength to stand. A few moments pass. Now that I am convinced that I am indeed strong enough, I start lifting my heavy eye lids -ever so slowly- allowing them to expose my eyes to whatever awaits.

Struck by light, my eye lids flutter, trying to accustom to it. After shedding a few tears, the first thing my eyes see is where that awful smell is coming from, salts. Ugh.

There are many pairs of eyes surrounding me, but there is one specific pair that is holding on to my own, just like the first time. There I find worry. Those blue, warm eyes belong to Charles.

My heart races at the knowledge.

I can swear that every soul in this room van hear it‘s fast beat. As I trace my sight over his beautiful face, I see dark circles under his eyes, his brows are furrowed with distress and his face is snow white pale, as if he has just witness something horrible . Something inside of me tells me that he has, but not horrible. No, not horrible. But something frightening.

I am able to see that behind him are the ones I love. My ‘mother’ Elizabeth, my ‘father’ John, my eldest ‘brother’ Henry, my youngest brother Stephen, and of course, my greatest friend, Catherine, and behind them are innocent people who unfortunately for them, just happen to be here.

“She’s conscious. Sandra, love, how are you feeling?” Charles whispers. There is relive in his voice.

“Where, w-what happened?” I stuttered, for I do not know what to say at this moment. All I wish for is that I could go back to sleep in Charles arms, feel safe, warm, not caring what people would have to say and forget what I am to do.

This blasted corset will not let me take in deep breathes! It’s been fasten on too tight. The room is somehow starting to get hotter. If it is my imagination or not, I cannot say. But I need air. Need to breath!

When I feel I cannot stand it any longer, I feel a cold, relaxing hand on my forehead, easing me. I turn to find my ‘mother’ kneeled next to me. Mother! She is alive! And whole!

“Dear, are you alright? Oh my, your burning! Please, give her some air.” mother said in a desperate tone. Those hazel eyes, which I once thought I had inherited from her, give me some comfort, hope. This was something tha-

“I give the orders here! Now get up you unbearable brat!” said a voice interrupting my thoughts. I realize that Redal appeared form the crowd. Beads of perspiration start to build on my brow.

Three of his men take hold of Charles, taking advantage that he does not want me harmed. Being separated from him feels as if someone has just given me a blow. Another one pulls ‘mother’ away.

Redal approaches me, I feel his raspy hand grasping my arm, prepared to take me out of here, walking or dragging, not telling me where I will be taken.

If only I had listen in the first place and fled, everything might be different. Instead of being on the floor I might be safe, and not just me, but every one here. But what is done is done, I cannot go back. I must now keep to my word for the sake of the ones I love and of other by giving my self to Redal. Since now that I know the truth of me, and have been too stubborn to have listen.

1



“Mother, would you please hand me that broach right there?” I said as I ready my self for the ball. The hot lock of hair that has just been curled feel upon my shoulder, sending goose flesh around my body. I wince. Mary, my maid, giggles at this, since we are both about the same age, she is more relaxed than the other ones, though only when she is with me. She has been working for us for as long as I can remember, and as long as she can.

“Oh, yes, o

[kenny]

UGH I HATE IT! YOU DON'T SAY WHAT HAPPENS!

Not, cool. Cliffhangers suck and you know it!

But all and all it's pretty good(: I'd read it! There are a few grammar errors, but that's expected.
Happy writing to you(:

[faing]

ooo i like it so far its rly good
the 1st paragraph should be several paragraphs that change when the speaker changes
so like
“Sandra! Sandra, oh, don’t do this to us, please!”

“Will the girl be alright?”

“Poor child”

“We might as well all be doomed!”

“Oh, do keep quiet!”

other than that its good


mine plzzzzz???????
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjRurMH3MyJjszNuDzfkkqTsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091118165921AABI4X6